Last evening was the first night I’ve had to shut all the windows in the house since May aside from the few times I used the central air this year. When I go to work, the sun is already setting. When I’m getting ready to come home from work, the sun is barely above the horizon. Soon the weather will change where no windows will be opened throughout the day and I won’t see the sun during my weekdays. Sometimes I wonder why this makes sense to me and why I don’t rise up and revolt against myself and do something different with my life.

I’m having these moments where I seem to evaluate every little thing in my life. From what type of milk I buy to the why I fold the towels the way I do on laundry days. I have a library of nearly six thousand MP3 and I can’t seem to find something that can hold my attention long enough to listen to a single song in its entirety. I’ll set of to do chores around the house and instead of taking 3-4 hours to do them all, I’ll spend 20 minutes doing dishes and take an hour break to watch something I recorded on tv during the week. I’ll change laundry and gather the products to clean the bathroom, but stop to read my email or surf the web before making it to the bathroom. I’ll gather all the trash in the house and instead of taking it 30 feet out my front door to the trash, I’ll put it in the garage and sit in an old recliner out there and look at pictures of my parents or sort through the countless boxes of their things and forget that I was just passing through to the trash can.

I’m at the age my father was when I was born. I was his final child of five that survived seven pregnancies and I haven’t even so much as had a scare. I’ve been making the rounds at everyone’s sites and Kayla is started school, Lucien started pre-school, Evelyn bounces to music and is learning SOOOO BIG!, and mini-JC blows bubbles now instead of grunting to kill his own baby bordum.  Despite the fact that I have two freaking awesome beagles that give me more comfort and joy in my life with the exception of when they chew each other’s ears or eat their poop, I’m childless and nowhere near where I thought I’d be at this point in my life in creating my own family. 

Once again, I think I’m ovulating.  More on this topic another time when I figure out what it means.

This entry was posted on Thursday, September 25th, 2008 at 6:09 am and is filed under Nothingness. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.